Updates on trip to M'sia here.

3 days seem like years….

Stepped into the house and first thing that caught my attention when the gate opened, was my grandma lying on the bed, lifelessly. Doctor says she’s waiting for time and will pass on in half a day…

I let down my entire luggage and everyone was telling me she was waiting for me and told me to speak to her which I did. Doctor says her eyesight is blurring now and when I spoke to her, she reacted. She looked towards the direction I’m at and hold it there and moved her legs, she tried to speak but can’t. So sad to see her that way. She was having breathing difficulties but guess what, her last breathe lasted for 3 days and reacted well to everything….e.g like when you asked whether she’s waiting for her grandsons, if yes, kick her legs. And without fail, every time she reacted. And at times, we realized that her eyes were wet, she cried.

Then the 3 days were like..fucking terrible…wouldn’t elaborate here.

Now a very brief intro about my grandma’s life here - she had a very wonderful life with her 8 children and damn lots of grandsons/granddaughters…while the bad is…maybe too many and she’s worried…

She’s troubled about lots of things- like financial issues in some of my relative’s family, conflicts in between.

Her life was great when all her children were young but things changed when they grew up. When my grandma was in her 40s, my grandpa remarried and my grandma somehow got a ‘sister’.

Now about the preparation for the funeral, it didn’t go on smoothly. Haix...this always happen- when 2 parties want a best result for certain things, conflicts always takes place when there are disagreements on what is best or at times, better.

What else…oh…one of my cousin that is damn not close to me told me grandma spoke about me in the hospital. She said ‘Jiayong was kind towards animals and often apply medicine for the injured ones and goes feeding them…’, and then she smiled. I was at a very calm mood then and right away my eyes turned wet. She never agree to what I’m doing but seems like she finally agreed b4 she left. I’m so glad but why does it have to at the last moment?

Anyway, she passed away on the evening of 20th.

I remembered, in the midnights, my cousins and I always gathered round and talked about grandma. How she doted us and we never realize till she’s gone. We never failed to end the conversation with everyone crying, can’t continue the conversation anymore. And for the 3 days, I always wake up during the midnights, and always, there will be someone beside her with damn red, swollen eyes.

From now on, everyone have to be strong, very very strong and had to get use to life without her. No one can accept but we have to I guess.

Without her, it will never be a perfect family.