Missing everyone.

I was waiting for a friend at my void deck just now – a very quiet voiddeck cox it was pass 1am already. Then I was listening to a song and before the song ended I realize my eyes were wet.

I thought of my family in Malaysia…not to hide, I hate them to the core but I love them. I miss them a lot a lot, I cried when I thought of their faces, what we did, what fun we had…those photos taken, those motor and car rides to different places, those sunsets, sunrise on the mountains, those mosquito feeding nights at the ulu house of my mum's youngest sis…

I want to see them, know how they are, know…whether they miss me. I hate them for hiding the truth from me for years after years; I hate them for causing grandma’s death; I hate them for sacrificing others for the benefits of themselves. I hate them for hating their own family. No doubt, they are from a very well known gang in M’sia, that result in operations after operations in hospitals everywhere, losing of eyes, fingers this and that and lives. But they are definitely not bad people. They love me, treated me very very well. I’m not proud of who they are, loansharks, gang members whatever, but I don’t want anyone to judge them in anyway because you don’t know them.

There are lots of thoughts in me, I recall those weddings of my cousins, those steamboats, buffets that I really had fun eating, taking photos, and crap around, ran and play in the backstage in the hotel there that my family patronize since I was young, making fun of the bride and groom whom have seen me grown up. I recall my first motorbike trip when my younger cousin brought me on his bike to many places. I recall times when the whole family ask how I am, and finally, how all my cousins whom I really love cried with me when grandma left… …a lot more, there’s no end to it.

I just want to say I miss them and I regretted deleting the photos, it’s like a total clean up of my memory.

I feel a lot better after crying. Seriously, a lot better. I don't know what should I do, no idea at all. I though of going back but sigh...

ENOUGH MANN!!

Now about school. Part of a project finally over! More parts to go!